Divorce with a Child

Divorce with a Child

What to do

A Fathers Perspective/incite and helpful tips

Disclaimer: I am not a legal professional or lawyer, please seek professional advice before going to court, these are incites and helpful tips, nothing more.... I went through a two year divorce process and fought for my rights to my son. His mother tried everything to get my rights taken and to keep him away from me but in the end I receive Split custody with joint decision making and 3 days a week of visitation with my son. It can be done!! So you've found yourself separated and confused on what to do next, and the last thing you want to do is start preparing for the long battle of what's to come with a divorce, we'll take a deep breath and know your not alone, this small article will be some helpful tips on what to do next when finding yourself dealing with the your spouse ,who you thought loved you, no longer wants to be married and now you have the stressful and less than fun task of figuring out how and what to do and also most of Important, What not to do during the divorce process.

Step one and most importantly is to find a lawyer, because even though someone else may have been through a divorce and give you advice, each case is it's own, and someone may tell you it went one way for them in court, but it may go a total different way for you. In my case I couldn't afford to pay for a lawyer, the next best option is to find a lawyer you can consult with on your case and to figure out the initial steps to take. Such as filling for the initial divorce and how to file waivers and ect.  The most benificial thing you want to do is to be the one who initially files for the divorce, this will make you the plantiff and this will grant you more time in court to present your case than the defendant will,I know this due to my ex being the one who filled first and when it came to court I was always left with a short amount of time to present my side of the case and this was very frustrating when trying to prove my side of the story, Also finding a lawyer to speak with will inform you on what forms to file such as custody orders and how to file, also on how to file for mediation. Mediation is put forth so that the parties can try and solve the issues at hand causing the want for divorce and to see if the divorce can be reconciled or if there are grounds for a divorce, in this process you will meet with a divorce counselor appointed by the courts and be given a session where you will meet with the councelor and your ex and discuss the issues and if a plan for custody can be met, the counselor will record the conversation and present the report for the judge to make a decision.

The number one thing to remember is to not let your emotions get the best of you and to do your best to keep a logical head when dealing with everything that will and can occur during the divorce process, There can be things said and done by the opposite party that when and if you react may cause said other party to look better in court, and without a witness or evidence that the allegation is false made by the other party, this can be used to sway the opinion of the judge. This is a key factor to remember in court, just because a statement or allegation isn't proved in court doesn't mean that the opinion of said judge can't be swayed, judges are people also. So it's always best to record your interactions with the opposite party to cover all your bases, and if anything be able to prove the other party is lieing about said event or allegation. 


  1. Take notes in a notepad to recall said events, put dates and times and what happened, 

  2. use a voice recorder on your phone when exchanging children

  3. Take pictures of children when picked up and before drop off, to dissuade any allegations.

  4. Take screenshots of texts and conversation on social media sites

  5. Keep all copies of court orders and documents,upload to drive/Google for backup


A great tip to remember is also refrain from posting about the other individual on social media sites to prevent the other party from having proof that you degraded them in any matter, you may not think or care what the other person sees but in court anything can be used to sway the opinion of the judge. So to cover this base the previous tips in suggested will help with this and keep the other party in check.

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edited and created by IJN

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